..things had gone different. where would i be? i realize the pointlessness of this thought process.. only i really want to learn from my mistakes. I need to figure out what i really want- i have an idea. i really want to be happy. I want to have some sense of accomplishment in my life and i want to share it with people. I want to be loved truely. to the maximum potential of being loved. that doesn't seem possible, except i could love myself to that potential. it will take work i will have to rediscover essential parts of me that i've ignored. satisfaction- not the perverse kind, but the kind that I used to get from finishing a painting, writing a song, poeticle discription that amounts to the essence of my emotions. No i wont ask myself 'what happened?' but what will happen?
I got a wild hair today and I dug out my old character sketchs. i decided that the characters were complete and I swung them straight into the scenery of an old abandoned barn. A grousome fight scene were somebody looses a limb. after i finished a few pages i called an old friend i've been afraid to call for a while. we're going to tea this weekend.
Oh yeah, and i'm buying the property from mom. she's been wanting to sell for so long. I just called up this add in the paper about somebody needing extras they're paying me $500 a day..
a girl can dream right?
